Can you remember the last time when you were harassed by a stranger when you are driving? Every driver makes this awkward experience at least once a year. I must say there are a lot of people out there who express their depression, aggression, stress and negativity in traffic. Unfortunately many of those conflicts become life threathed. Thats why I would like to share some tipps on how we can manage those conflicts in our lives: Here are 5. Tipps!!
1. Stay calm
One of the most important things to do is to stay calm. Only if you are in control of yourself and your ego you can analyse the situation better. You have to think about that you have no control over your opponent. The only thing that you can control is your mind, your reaction & of course your ego. That is why you should take a deep breath and analyse first whats the cause of the problem and what are your options. After you made your risk assessment you can make a calculated decision that is based on a rational argument.
Run, Hide or Fight
You can apply the very easy calculation-theory of running away from a conflict, hiding from your opponent or fighting against your opponent in very conflict. Take those 3 conflict-management rules into account. It will help you to make your decisions faster and easier.
2. Stay ready to rumble:
“Expect the best, prepare for the worst.”
― Muhammad Ali Jinnah (Lawyer,Politician,Founder of Pakistan & Revolutionary friend of Ghandi)
The message of the quote is very clear. Have a positive mindest, but be realistic enough to prepare for the worst. How to prepare?
Here are some tipps:
Have a strategical Game-Plan for conflicts in general, buy a Pepper spray, have Legal Self-defense kit in your car, stay alert as soons as possible when danger occurs, read books about conflict-solving.
My last tipp is to take care of the time & the place you want go out. Once a friend of mine from the german federal bureau of investigation told me that crime is everywhere, so it is important to avoid dangerous places and timings that are generally known as dangerous. For example at midnight & at times when its dark outside it is important to avoid parks, areas with a high criminal statistic or dark places without a good street light.
3. Dealing with your opponent!
It is important to improve your communication- skills during conflicts. Because sometimes arguing is just not right. Sometimes arguing makes a situation even worse, so learn how to talk to aggressive people.
6 months ago I successfully attended a mediation class at the University due to my law-studies. It was one of the best classes I ever had. The class was held by trained law- & psychology-lecturers. They told us a lot of effective mediation skills that are used by Mediators in USA.
One great method that I want to share with you is called Active-Listening. When people start to listen to each other they release an immense power of sympathy and understanding. How can you listen active ?:
- Stay quite and just listen carefully to your opponent.
- Analyze the feelings and the needs of your opponent
- Do not use the word YOU when talking about the issue
The magic of staying quite and just listen to your opponent helps you to understand what he wants from you. It also give you enough time to analyse his feelings and his needs. Because only if you understand his needs you can either provide it to your opponent or you can react in different way. Furthermore, just try to avoid the word YOU. To make it clear to you, if you say: ”you destroyed my car and know I am feeling hurt” or: ”The destruction of my car makes me feeling hurt”. There is a big difference in both statements. The first one is personal and will make your enemy more aggressive. But the second statement is general and not personal so your opponent is not attacked verbally.
Of course there are many other verbal communication skills. I will write about them from time to time.
There are also non-verbal methods to deal with your conflict-partner. You can fight against your opponent, you can do what the aggressor wants you to do to save your life. You can call the police, leave the place or ignore the whole situation. However, thats up to you and as the circumstances demands.
We as Human-beeings can unfold our full potential only, if we understand the power of spirituality. In Europe, USA and in many other contries in the world we have religious freedom so that we can practice our reiligon without any problem. That is why I love it to share solutions with my readers from a religious perspective.
In the holy Quran it is written that God the Almighty is an excellent protector. Due to his gift of prayers that God provided mankind we can benefit from it in every situation of our lives. Pray everyday for protection. Pray for your family, friends, yourself and to protect humanity from wars and diseases.
And if they turn their backs, then know that Allah is your Protector. What an excellent Protector and what an excellent Helper!
The holy Quran (8:41)
Allah is the friend of those who believe: He brings them out of every kind of darkness into light.
The holy Quran (2:258)
5. Positive Attitude-Smile
There is a very beautiful narration of the holy Prophet (peace be upon him) about charity. I think that charity and good attitude will atract more positivity into your life and more positive people.
A companion of the holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) Abu Dharr (name of the companion) reported that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Charity is prescribed for each descendant of Adam every day the sun rises.” He was then asked from his companion: “From what do we give charity every day?” The Prophet answered: “The doors of goodness are many… enjoining good, forbidding evil, removing harm from the road, listening to the deaf, leading the blind, guiding one to the object of his need, hurrying with the strength of one’s legs to one in sorrow who is asking for help, and supporting the feeble with the strength of one’s arms — all of these are charity prescribed for you.”
He also said: “Your smile for your brother is charity.” (At-Tirmidhi, 1879)
The teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) empower us to do good and to have a positive behaviour and a positive attitude in life.
Sometimes a smile from a stranger reminds you of all the positive things in your life, even if you are in a bad mood. Shine bright like a diamond.
Don’t forget to smile! It is charity. It is healthy. It is positive energy that can change an enemy to a friend 😉